A letter to Carino Part 1

Hey Carino! I write this letter, according to one poem written by a high school friend–Samantha Maina-. It defines this as a letter of love and politics, a letter of fame and shame. I am writing this in order to complain and complement. I hope this letter finds you well and it gets to explain everything I never explained to you.
It is six months and twenty six days since the day I lost it all. At the moment the time reads 11:41pm. I have tried to write to you many times before but it ends up as a blog or some document saved in drop box-an online “cloud” -as commonly referred to. I have looked for ways to tell you how I feel, but I have never been good at confronting you. Every time I feel like fleeting a message to you, I find myself updating it as a status on Facebook. I guess am supposed to thank Mark-the Facebook owner-, but this sometimes makes you angry at me because you said I would rather tell it to your face. I am sorry I ever did that-I mean updating my feelings. You might think I am sturdy as I always appear to be, but I am not. I am just a girl, who is pugnacious with her feelings. I am smiling to myself, because I think this is a witty way of starting a letter.
Then I remember January 2011. It was about 5.30 in the evening. I was on my way out of school; I had just passed the junction that leads to the school’s beautiful library. Anny, my friend from high school called me, requesting me to meet her before I left. She was a freshman at our school and she wanted me to help her familiarize with the school. I went to the notice board near Mama Africa to wait for her. I had missed her so much; at least I had found a new friend. Carino, I had friends that did not really care about me that much, they were good friends though. They were as shy as me, the kind of girls that would rather stay in their rooms than go out and club. I guess that is the only thing we had in common. Do you know what Carino, these days they represent in all those parties, go out with those rich guys and wear all those skimpy clothes?
I did not say I don’t wear stylish, but I do that with some decency. I just laugh at myself when I realize I can wear something sexy and walk about with it. Do you remember how conservative I looked those days? Those baggy clothes? I think I was afraid of even showing my hands or legs. All my clothes were either big, out of fashion or extra descent. I bet I was the most unattractive girl in campus, low self-esteemed. I could look around and all I could think about myself was how much of a looser I am. USIU was never really the place I thought I would end up. Many people associated it with rich spoilt kids. As for me I was definitely not from a rich family. My mum did not have a job and she was surviving by God’s grace. My dad did not have a job as well and was a drunk and he would spend most of the time in a local bar taking cheap liquor. And as for spoilt: here I was dressing like I was from the 5th century, I had never even stepped in a club, or have a sleep over in a guy’s place or even made out with a guy. Too much for a spoilt kid huh?
Well here I was at the notice board waiting for Anny, and then precipitously all the world around me stopped. Everything seemed dawdling, and I wanted it that way, or even slower! I saw you, tall, light and handsome. You were dressed in a tartan shirt, blue trouser and brown safari boots. Wow! I said to myself, my heart skipped a bit Carino; this is doubtless the most handsome guy I had ever seen and “loved at first sight”. There you were, walking with Anny towards me-a slender guy-and innocent face. Then Anny hugged me and we just said hi, she introduced you as her friend. You can never be sure what a girl means when she says a guy is her friend.
Considering that, I decided I would keep my annotations to myself. Then we walked out of school together. Anny asked me where I was headed to; I told her I was headed towards Queens Hostels. I liked going to that place because my friends lived there, you remember Rose and Paula? Yes Carino, those ones. I also loved going to their cafeteria for some samosas and “zege” this is a fries dish mixed with eggs. When Anny heard me mentioning samosa, she immediately recommended that we go all of us. I was happy to hear that because I was going to spend a few more minutes with this fine-looking guy.
You never said much Carino; you only yakked when it was necessary. That made me find myself so exasperating, this is because I could not stop talking. Part of the reason to why I said much is that that’s how I am but the other is because you made me edgy. That was the first time we hang out Carino, a perfect first time. We talked so much about contentious topics as we sat at one of the tables at Queens Cafeteria. I bet you learnt a lot about Anny and I that day. But as usual we were cool. Anny really liked you by the way, and I know you know that. You remember we could not tell anyone we were dating yet because we did not know how Anny would react? She did not believe you would choose me over her rather that is what I believe. I was not so much of a fun of guys and I even explained to you why. My dad had left me when I was born and that made me recent and not trust any man.
We did not realize as time passed by, it was dark already. We agreed we should go home. We left Queens and you offered to escort us via the long way through safari Park yet you lived in Roysambu. We talked about a lot of things but all I can remember is hoping that you talk to me unswervingly. By this I mean that you only said general things. Things that are not specifically directed to anyone. This killed me you know. But anyway who was I? I had just met you that day and Anny knew you more.
Carino, parting ways that day was the weirdest thing I had experienced in a long time. All this feelings sounded stupid to my ears Carino, I did not believe in love rather not having a crush on someone. This proved that I was becoming weak! I could not let that happen to me Carino, not when I had held my head up for a year without caring about any guy. I headed home very fast that day. Almost knocked down by a car! He he you had really gotten to me even on the first day. I know think it is a lie but this happened on our first meeting, crazy huh! Carino, this reminds me of the day you were escorting me home and a lorry almost knocked you down. I have never been that scared in my life. I cannot lose you; I could not lose you then. If you would have died, I would have died too. You were always my strength did you know that?

Family

“Yummy! So juicy!”
“Are you talking about me?”
“Who else? Do you see anyone else here?”
“Mmmmhhh! Thank you! You look sweet yourself!”
“Thank you, but i think you are saying that just to return the favor!”
“Oh no! I really mean it by the way. You are long and hard, and curved but soft in the inside!”
” You have a round figure, and so juicy and i could have you every moment if i can!”
“I have always wanted you so bad!”
“Am glad we cleared the air!”
“Can we be friends?”
” Yes we could date also, then we could have awesome babies!”
(They hug, a third party comes”
“What is wrong with you two, you are family! There are other people you could date that i doubt if they belong to our family! Orange you can date cucumber, its long and curved. And as for you banana pumpkin will do the trick! Check me out, am mango and am dating onion!

Stanely…..

A feeling? “I love you mom!” “I love you honey!” “I love my books!” What do we really mean when we say this? Love is the hardest thing that you can define. Probably the most confusing thing available on earth. Maybe this little story will make it clearer.
Stanley had just arrived at the coast with his friends. It was the April holidays. Stanely preferred going to the coast during this time because it always seemed peaceful with less people. Most of the people do not usually go for vacation on April holidays because it was a short one and there were many more expenses waiting for them. Stanely went to the beach to relax with his friend Max, and then he saw this girl.
She was beautiful beyond measure! She was dressed in a royal blue bikini and a Sombrero hat. She was of fair complexion with long, soft and black hair. Her body was beautifully curved into a number eight with soft shiny skin. She watched the sun set as she smiled. Her teeth were white and nicely shaped and the smile made her look even more beautiful. Stanely could not stop staring at her, Max made fun of him but this did not make him stop looking.
Then the beautiful lady noticed Stanely looking at her. She knew she was beautiful. She waved at Stanely, Stanely did not stop waving back until he got one meter close to her.
“Hallo, my name is Stanely…”
That is how Stanely met the lady who is standing in front of him at the altar six years ago. The woman of his dreams. Right now they are waiting to hear any objection from the audience who has attended their wedding. Stanely was sure no one would interfere. He had laid a very strong foundation on his relationship, now it was just about finalizing.
“I object…”said a man walking in the church…”Anita is pregnant with my child and i cannot allow her to marry some other man just because he is richer than me!”
Stanely fainted…………..

Stanely…..

A feeling? “I love you mom!” “I love you honey!” “I love my books!” What do we really mean when we say this? Love is the hardest thing that you can define. Probably the most confusing thing available on earth. Maybe this little story will make it clearer.
Stanley had just arrived at the coast with his friends. It was the April holidays. Stanely preferred going to the coast during this time because it always seemed peaceful with less people. Most of the people do not usually go for vacation on April holidays because it was a short one and there were many more expenses waiting for them. Stanely went to the beach to relax with his friend Max, and then he saw this girl.
She was beautiful beyond measure! She was dressed in a royal blue bikini and a Sombrero hat. She was of fair complexion with long, soft and black hair. Her body was beautifully curved into a number eight with soft shiny skin. She watched the sun set as she smiled. Her teeth were white and nicely shaped and the smile made her look even more beautiful. Stanely could not stop staring at her, Max made fun of him but this did not make him stop looking.
Then the beautiful lady noticed Stanely looking at her. She knew she was beautiful. She waved at Stanely, Stanely did not stop waving back until he got one meter close to her.
“Hallo, my name is Stanely…”
That is how Stanely met the lady who is standing in front of him at the altar six years ago. The woman of his dreams. Right now they are waiting to hear any objection from the audience who has attended their wedding. Stanely was sure no one would interfere. He had laid a very strong foundation on his relationship, now it was just about finalizing.
“I object…”said a man walking in the church…”Anita is pregnant with my child and i cannot allow her to marry some other man just because he is richer than me!”
Stanely fainted…………..

Today……..

Dear God, its today, i am done with my exams and i feel good about myself. yea it still hurts so bad but i am assuming my feelings so i don’t care much. i will move on en i believe that more than everything. i sometimes have doubts that maybe, just maybe i should fight for him. But what is the need of fighting for someone who would date my friend….and you know what his excuse was…that she really is not that much of my friend because i knew her through him. Honestly dear God, does that even sound like a fair thing. well i have to learn to stop being bitter about him.
And i hate how much i love him……its the weakness i have, the biggest weakness. Dear God i am really going through a very hard time. And today i am going to give someone very sad news. i hope he will still be my friend even after that. I just cant get myself to love someone, not now not ever. My love has my heart and i don know how to get it back.